Loving You Today

So they call me a slacker....

2010-08-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Honey. I know this was supposed to be at the very least a monthly thing...well, the months are flying by and I don't even know where they've gone. It's amazing to me how you can live with someone for so long and still not know everything about them. We are always changing. I feel like we have become alot closer in the past few months and I love that.

We're having a baby!!!!!!!!! Correction, another baby. SURPRISE, I know, I was too. To be honest it took me a little while to be happy about it. The idea of three children makes me a little nervous. I hope that I can be enough of a mother for all of them.

Coming home on Sunday night was such a treat. I felt so loved that you had thought of me enough to have Marta come over while the kids and I were away. The laundry still needs to be put away and that is definately something I need to handle, so I'll do my best to get it done tonight while your home, so it doesn't spiral out of controlt he rest of the week while your working.

You are full of surprises. I'm always learning more about what makes you so unique. Your an interesting person, you have my attention, and I know that tomorrow....I'll still be loving you today.

Missing You

2010-04-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

The room is dark
I'm on the far side of the bed
Wishing you'd move close
So I can rest my head
But I don't move
And neither do you

How did this space between us grow
How did we get this far
Reaching out to touch your hand
Has now become so hard
I wish you'd move
I wanna touch you

This room is dark
I'm alone here in this chair
Longing for your kiss
While you stay locked upstairs
But I don't move
And neither do you

How did this space between us grow?
How did we get this far?
Reaching out to touch your hand
Has now become so hard
I wish you'd move
I need to feel you

This silence in your heart
Is tearing me apart
I can't hear what you won't say
It doesn't have to be this way

The room is dark
You reach accross the bed
You pull me close to you
I can finally rest my head
Thank god you moved
I really missed you

Issues and Imperfection = NORMAL

2010-03-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

PHONE CALL FROM EARLIER TODAY:

HUSBAND: HI. I'm here with my mom and she says that a while ago you told her that I think my friends are more important than you.

ME: I often do feel that your friends are more important than me.

HUSBAND: But, I never said, "My friends are more important to me that you are."

ME: No, you didn't use those exact words. The time I was referring to when I was speaking with your mom was near the beginning of our relationship when we were dating, so to speak. You told me at that time that your friends are very important to you and that they would always be first.

And though our situation is different now, actions always speak louder than words.

HUSBAND: But I never said they were more important than you

MIL: Dee, the reason this conversation came up is because Husband was sitting here with me talking about how he is the only normal one in the family. I told him that it isn't normal to be running off all the time with friends leaving your wife and kids at home. I'm trying to explain to him that he is just as abnormal as the rest of us.

ME: We all have our issues.

...more conversation flows along the same lines. Me interjecting reasons your not the only normal one. Your mother laughing and relaying what I say to you. Then I say something and she asks, "Do you want me to relay that?" I say no. Because I recognized that in an effort to prove a point I may be crossing the line and hurting your feelings and bringing up an issue that shouldn't be drawn out while your at work, nor through a conversation using your mother as the middle man.

After we ended our conversation I began to think about the issues at hand and the things we laughed about while on the phone. At one point you had said, "I am a great father and husband." To which I replied, "Your a great father." And then added, "Your a great father, your a good husband". Your response was something about how we all have room for improvement. And your right. In every area of our life we have room to improve, including me.

Here I was, a loving wife longing to improve our marriage and I'm making a case for your abnormality. Why? What could be gained from this arguement? What harm would have been done by saying, "Your right. You are a fantastic husband and father." I believe that. I have a blog dedicated to my love for you, yet I couldn't stop myself. I needed you to understand that you have issues. That your not the only NORMAL one in the family. Why?

Then it dawned on me that you were right. You are infact NORMAL. Your normal because you do have these imperfections. Unfortunately you are wrong in the fact that you are not the only NORMAL one in the family. We all have issues, imperfections and therefore we are all NORMAL. So, I am sorry to say that you are not unique in that respect. It is not the issues to which I felt the need to make a case for, though that's what I found myself doing. It was the point that you, like me, and the rest of your family, are normal by the very fact that you are imperfect.

I love you in spite of all of your impefections. A lot of the issues to which I pointed out on the phone (not all mentioned above) about are actually genuine qualities that I love about you and often wish I could have more of for myself. It is pure selfishness that prompted my fierce instinct to point out all examples of our relationship to which would prove your utter normality. I want to experience all of the genuine qualities that I love about you. I love the way you love your friends. You anticipate their need for your time and abilities and so I selfishly want you to do the same for me. I love that you like to have fun and jealously wish that I could enjoy the same fun with you that others do. I love that you are spontaneous and are able to rearrange things so that you can participate in all the activities you want to and I selfishly want to be the activity you are rearranging your responsibilities for. These selfish needs for your time and approval are evidence of my own normaliy.

Today I write to you:

Dear Husband,

Thank you for being such a good and loyal friend. Maintaining friendships over a period of 20 years and many miles is something that many people never accomplish and you have perfected it. Thank you for being a person that everyone wants to be around, that I can't get enough of. If I could choose to spend my time with anyone it is you. I love my friends and enjoy my time with them, but if given the choice between time with them or time with you, it is always you. You are a person that draws people in, a person that is fun, spontaneous, and loyal. All of these things are the reason all the time in the world wouldn't satisfy my need for you. Last but not lease, Thank you for being NORMAL, for having issues like the rest of us, for having room to improve. I can't imagine how boring our relationship would be if you weren't NORMAL.

Because of this I know that tomorrow I'll still be loving you today.

Generous Offer

2010-02-24T12:17:00.000-08:00

Last week was hectic at work. I had everything planned out so that all missions could be accomplished before leaving early on Thursday for our snowy vacation. Then the fires started on Wednesday. The worst of it being an unplanned 5 hour -waste of my time- shopping trip with my very picky, but very dear friend and boss. Boss woman was out to make some decisions about renovations which ultimately meant I would stand around while she pretended like she was talking to me, she was really only speaking to herself. I would nod in agreement with what she was saying and pretend like anything I said actually made an impact. It wouldn't have, she knows what she wants and is going to do that in the end, but it is a cumbersome process getting to that point. I also managed to step on the feelings of my dear friend this same day. So on Thursday I left for vacation with many things unfinished and five hours behind at work. My dear friend, The Happy Man, was not speaking to me either. BLAH! Since I left in such a rush the house was in an even worse condition than normal. All of this made missing our return flight look ever so inticing.

The chaos continued when our flight landed on Monday. Tuesday morning Karma paid me back for hurting The Happy Man's feelings by allowing me to back into an attorney's car in my work parking lot. Karma further reminded me of the pain I had caused by inspiring the cop to give me a ticket for an incident that he insisted we didn't even need to file a report for, WTF? This all could have been avoided if I had not stepped on Happy Man's toes last week because I would have called him to complete the task I was on my way to at the time of the accident.

I was stressed and fantasizing about setting a match to the mess that has taken up a perminant residence in our home. Then on Tuesday afternoon you called. I was nervous about the report I needed to give you regarding the car so I said nothing about it on the phone. I knew you would be off that night and it was eating at me that you would have to come home to the science experiment growing in the sink. It was just then that you suggested I call the Cleaning Fairy to come over and help after work. You freely offered up the money you had won playing cards with your friends to pay for it and also volunteered to take the kids out for a few hours to avoid taking 2 steps back for every one forward. I was filled with a sense of relief.

The Cleaning Fairy couldn't make it, but the few hours I had without the kids allowed me to once again discover that we indeed have rugs in our livingroom. I also found the remote and eliminated the science experiment from the kitchen. Today I'm counting the moments until I can go home. I'm looking forward to a healthy dinner and some quality play time with the kids. Thank you.

So today:

Dear Husband,

Thank you for recognizing the stress in our lives and finding a peaceful solution to eliminating a part of it. While I know you will not be home tonight to enjoy the decluttered living space with us, I do know that when you do get home you'll be able to change the channel -with the remote- and unwind from your stressful day. You are a problem solver, a solution seeker and you don't mind helping in the process. This just one of the many reasons I know that tomorrow I'll still be loving you today.

Without Request

2010-02-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

Kicker didn't sleep well last night, but in turn decided to take an extended siesta this morning. He slept until 8:00 AM. However, this peaceful rest would have ended abruptly with me getting out of bed to begin the day at 7 AM to get Sonic Jr. ready for school.

Luckily Kicker got to continue his peaceful rest because I didn't have to get up. Nope! Because instead of the kind of husband that women are always complaining about, I have a man with some initiative and involvement.

This morning you got up and got everything ready for Sonic Jr. Again, you acted without complaints, not groining or sighing because of course the child's clothing is not where it belongs. Its in some random basket just waiting to be placed in it's proper holding spot; which will likely never occur because it will be worn again and dirty before I get to it. You made breakfast for him and wrote a note for his lunch. Not that getting a four year old ready for school is a difficult task, but there is something about the way you take charge and do things without being prompted.

Women are always complaining about how uninvolved their husband's are in regards to the children and the home. I have been blessed with a man who enjoys taking care of his children as well as playing with them. I get such a kick out of hearing people say, "My husband is babysitting." Babysitting? Isn't that when you watch children that you didn't help conceive???

You are not a babysitter. You are a father, proud to be a part of all the things in his children's life even if that just means making breakfast and getting him off to school.

So today:

Dear Husband,

Thank you for having initiative. Thank you for being involved in the little things like getting ready for school and making breakfast. Because of your appreciatition for being involved in the little things that make our family operate daily, I know that tomorrow I'll still be loving you today.

You are my serenity

2010-02-15T20:55:00.001-08:00

Literally, we have seen each other for approximately 30 minutes the whole day, how much time could there have been to gather a moment to write about?

You never fail me.

When you came home after a 12 hour shift at 10 PM and asked, "What's for dinner?"

I'm aware that eating at the "Chicken Palace" every night for years has gotten old and you look forward to anything not made there. So I was prepared for your dissapointment as my "your a bad wife voice kicked in" and I responded with,

"I made the kids fishsticks and broccoli. I did not make dinner tonight."

But, the disappointment never came. Nope. You, my easy going, relaxed husband said,

"Surprise me."

And then happily ate the Amy's frozen burrito (Hey! Its organic and healthy) and veggies that I placed in front of you. I even got a smile.

So tonight I say:

Dear Husband,

Your calmness surrounds me and eases my anxiety. Because of this I know that tomorrow I'll still be loving you today.

A Valentines Dedication

2010-02-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

A marriage with two children does not come without its struggles. Recently I've been researching, trying to learn what could be done to improve our relationship in the midst of the chaos that is our daily life. While I was researching I discovered something profound. Everywhere I turned was a link or a post about what someone wasn't getting out of their marriage and often times the comments or advice left was just as selfish and unloving as the original post had been. It was so depressing because I was becoming more aware of the selfishness that I have displayed over the years. It began to dawn on me that for so long I have been focusing on what you could, should, and haven't been doing for me. I have given you letters and lists about my needs that I felt weren't being met. Don't get me wrong, I have done my best to learn a few things abour your needs along the way, but my true focus has been on how to get you to meet my needs. I realized how selfish I have been even in my thoughts. I began to think about the past, about the time I felt our connection was so strong and the person I was then. I decided at that moment that I was going to change the way I loved you. Then came Valentine's Day.....a perfect opportunity for me to begin my new grattitude for you.

I wanted to do something special, something original, challenging, and thoughtful to show you the love I have in my heart for you.

So here it is Husband, writing from my heart about the love I have for you and why.